Prabhneet Kaur
( This creative writing piece emerged from ‘Sampark- Emotional well-being for covid warriors’ session)
Overthinking is a disease. The only possible good thing that ever comes out of it is that it helps you plan ahead. Other than that, it only fills your world with worries. I am a Virgo and our definition begins with the word written in block letters. True to my sun sign, my mind is never silent. It creates mountains out of molehills, rides all the way to the top of these supposed hills, and sometimes refuses to come down at all.
Another big issue I have is being wary of people in general. I have had a childhood filled with staring glances from people all around me. At beginning since, my mother says, I was too cute (mothers lie); but after puberty mainly because my face was full of pimples all the time. So believe me when I say that I have been stared at by women (mostly) of all ages and been commented on as well. I still have a box full of opinions and judgments, I never asked for, tucked somewhere in my mind. So while some people do not care about their surroundings while exercising or meditating in the lawn of their houses, I have major issue concentrating merely on breathing in and breathing out. Public parks are a nightmare for me.
My favorite way to relax is simple. Stay busy and daydream. The latter comes in handy at night as well. For as long as I can remember, I have been using this technique to fall asleep. Whenever anxious, I begin creating an entirely out-of context story in my mind and am usually long gone before it comes to a definite end. I daydream all the time and God knows how many of those stories I have actually ended up manifesting in my life — the power of universe’s ‘Secret’, if you know what I mean.
The closest I have ever come to meditation, however, was during my job in Mohali when I had joined this incredible gym close to my rented accommodation. They had yoga class once a week. My companions were all women, the coolest group of all times. I have never felt so relaxed in a public place before in my entire life. I would close my eyes for deep breathing and the surroundings would just melt away. I would not feel like leaving. But then the yoga instructor moved abroad and for some reasons I also moved away. All good things come to an end after all.
Ever since my graduation, I have changed so many houses that I did not feel at home anywhere at all. I was always packing and unpacking my bags. This lasted till 2020. Lockdown brought our lives to a complete halt. One good thing though that came out of it was that we shifted to our new house at the outskirts of a city in Punjab. There are farms all around it and a lot of fresh air to breathe in.
No staring eyes.
Though all our plans were dashed to the ground, causing a frustrating situation for us to be stuck in, this house came as a rescue. I can take long walks here with my husband, listen to birds, feed them, and relax. Though I still feel uncomfortable sitting outside doing yoga, I usually do simple breathing exercises during the day. Two stray dogs also come up occasionally for company.
All my life I have been running; at times from places, other times from people or unpleasant situations. For once I am okay being stuck. For once I cherish staying here. I am definitely scared of the situation around and I still have a million issues to deal with. But I guess I’ve found my safe haven and let’s just say I’m glad.