This blog is in continuation to Empathy dosa by Sheenam Dhingra. (https://philyra.in/empathy-dosa/)
This is how I had served my ‘Empathy Dosa’ with a sambhar of self doubt on the side in plenty- dying for people to have it, people to like it- constantly telling myself they needed it. Bringing them plate after plate when all they wanted was a bite of it! – thinking maybe I’m just too nice, civil, understanding and mannered and assuming they are just too shy to ask for it.
So in ‘Assumption restaurant’, free ‘Empathy Dosa’ was always available to savour along with loads of ‘self doubt sambhar’. I wanted to be such a great host that even when the ingredients would begin to run out, this excellent dish would still stay on the menu as ‘Chef’s Special’!
No wonder when this ‘Chef’s Special’ became too plain for the guests and they began complaining that it was too bland and boring. They said they wanted character; they wanted perfection until I realized the harsh reality that they didn’t really want the ‘Empathy Dosa’ in the first place! And then I gradually noticed that they had never really asked for it! It was I- who made it, it was I- who served it- who wanted it to be accepted, received and liked. And then I slowly realized that why would a man who’s full up to his neck want a steaming dosa no matter how great it looked or tasted.
One day I decided to break this loop and take a break and while I sat idle, it struck me that I hadn’t taken the chef seriously all this while. I thought of valuing the chef’s recommendation for a change and decided to make an ‘Empathy Dosa’ for myself that day! So I rested the batter and without any haste or feelings of overwhelm I gently poured it onto my pan and waited for it to get ready. With light music, I softly grooved until the veggies were rendered soft while remaining crunchy and carefully monitored until the sambhar reached a level of healthy self check! My sambhar this time had character but no reluctant spices. It smelled completely different.
I carelessly put loads of it in a plate and licked to with my little finger as I sat on the couch to enjoy it while I watched some telly.
That day, I realized I had been starving for years while I overfed others. I had myself forgotten the taste of this ‘Chef’s Special’ while I desperately wanted it to be loved at the other end. It was the yummiest dosa I had ever had. I realised how much I enjoyed it on my own, for my own self.
Trying to be at the other person’s place is a good thing for sure but forgetting that you have a space of your own too- that’s not intended now. While serving that ‘Empathy Dosa’ to people day in and day out I was so eager to take their spot that I never saw where I stood. I never claimed my own space may be because I thought I didn’t have any or didn’t deserve any just as I didn’t deserve my own ‘Empathy Dosa’. And then I would wonder why I had been hungry and overworked.
So now, if it looks inviting to someone and they would like a bite- great! Be my guest! But if you do not like it or do not want it, I could show you the way to the kitchen and get you the stuff and you can make it yourself because this one’s mine. I have revised the menu and slightly raised the prices. ‘Chef’s Special’ is a delicacy now- isn’t served everyday and every time. It’s prepared on demand now.
Until then, would you like to have anything else, sir?